Darkness

She closed her eyes.She wanted to withdraw herself from the thoughts. It din't work. 

You close your eyes so that you cannot see the world, in a process of thinking, that no one is watching you. 

She was at a cross-road. She took two steps ahead and stopped. She looked at the left direction, thinking - would this direction work? 

She stopped and moved back. She turned back...and walked that way - Stopped again thinking - Why would I go back again ?

There is only one way - the Right direction. She turned to the right and started walking there. 

She had no goals, no aims left. She just walked. 
Everyday,she did walk.Though she had no plans,she continued walking. 

Everyday she had the same thoughts - What to do, where to go, whom to talk, whom to trust ? She was just herself.

She choose to trust, to have faith - that - for one god damn time - she will have a good time in life. 

She will have a chance to shower some love around. All she wanted was love - and spread Love.

But life wanted to give her something else - always and forever - DARKNESS.

She waited, waited patiently. 

But there was darkness, she wanted to open her eyes to see light - but all she could feel was dampness and darkness. 

They said she would have someone right for her soon. "Soon" - did "Soon" just change its definition ?

The people around her felt she was arrogant and had attitude - Deep down, she knew - it was not true.

She had layers around her - which she thought would keep the unwanted people away from her. 

It took time for her to realize, that, that what made her look mysterious - that was what created the DARKNESS.

                           A voice called her again - She tried to ignore it again.

Rain-Drops

              There is a connection between you and the rain.

                     

                        Unexpected and Immense Bliss.

 

She cuddled herself in the blanket, let loose her random thoughts, dream and dream hearing the Pitter-Patter of the rain - feeling complete, even though everything is missing - she is at peace - Loving the sound of sprinkling drops all over - the frogs croaking - the sound of the wind.

 

                               Reminds her of you.

 

She wakes up with the noise of the raindrops, wishes to sleep those extra ten minutes before she is ready to rock the world. She dreams about the best things in the world with that background noise and feels bliss - smiles and thanks the heavens for the beautiful things around her.

 

Though, everything she wanted is not around her - she is blessed that she does not have those things which she never wanted.  

She pushes herself out of the bed - because it's time to prove herself again.

               

                A new day - new sunshine - same thoughts.

                              

"How do I still make Myself better and beautiful ?" A voice said - "I will".

 

She smiled.Looked into the mirror - opened her dark brown eyes.

Her Eyes had a real sparkle and anyone could just go deep down. She was proud of them - becase they spoke to anyone who could read them.

                         

                        Scintillating and Seductive.

 

She adjusted her fringes in front of her head, tried to tie-up her hair and let them loose again. Gave a wicked smile, thinking - who's next?

 

The next second - she knew who it was - there was no NEXT. It was him still. She made herself better for him - Allthough she din't care whether she belonged to his thoughts anymore. She made sure she was perfectly dressed, the perfect face,the perfect skin and the minute details of the nail-polish.                      

 

              She din't know him well - but she knew he loved perfection.

 

He is never going to see her - never going to talk to her - They lived miles apart and still she could feel him beneath her.

 

She loved the rain-drops more than the rain. Only the lucky ones, can feel and see the rain-drops on their eyes and smile in the rain. The others are happy just by watching the rain go down on the ground.

 

           But, there is a difference between the rain and the rain-drops. 

 

Enter - You can always Love a person truely until and unless you don't know them INSIDE-OUT.You can fall in love with the RAIN-DROPS only when you can feel them - in the shadows of time, under the shades of comfort - its rain - its ordinary water.

         

             And, a BITTER truth - that rain does not belong to you.

 

 

Hide - N - Seek

Ever played - Hide N Seek ? How is it when your turn comes to search?

The time when you close your eyes and think whom would I get first ? The thoughts who is that I can get hold of ? The racing heart beats what if somebody hits the tree and I have to take my chance again ?

What if they play a prank on me and just go home and I keep searching all day long...

And its even more enticing on the other end - You got to hide yourself and also make sure that you want the opponent to take his chance again.

 

You make sure you are hidden from those thoughts - that they never should ever appear in you. And like a lightning effect - they came to seek you again - you ran, tried to hide yourself again and failed and they won - with a cunning smile - telling you "I will get hold of you every time"

 

Its the same feeling - You thought you have outgrown out of it - You diverted your mind towards a million other things or people - started your favourite hobby classes,started meeting new people, pushed yourself to improve your personality, dumped yourself in tons of work - focussed on moving ON...

All of a sudden - in between all the midst and chaos of moving on with the new things in life - your heart has a pain - you close your eyes and all you can see is his face, his eyes, his smile - his looks - no matter how bad things turned you still remember that first look when your eyes met - how many million dreams you just had flowing in your heart.

 

You still take his name and sleep - you still in between the random thoughts of yours - can see his thought in between your brain cells -

You try to bring up hatred in yourself for him - you try to think all the negative thoughts about him - and you LOSE - coz he is still inside you - he never went - Your brain focussed on the million other things you treated it to - but your heart wanted nothing of those...

You still make efforts to stop those tears running all the way down to your cheeks and lips - and at the end , you feel you failed again to overcome him.

 

How many times were you truely happy and at peace with the other replaced things or people ? Even once - I can bet not even half a time.

 

It is like the hide n seek game - First you try to find the right person - you wish you get hold of him immediately so that you don't have the pressure of finding other people and once you get hold of the person - you hide yourself from him - from being sought.

 

                                   Time to Hide, to be sought or just QUIT ?

 

Green-Eyed

How is it to see somebody wear your dream dress, seeing someone on your dream travel location, seeing somebody's bank balance grow incredibly than yours, seeing someone who belonged to you now belongs to someone else
 - How is it to feel that so called term - "ENVY".

No matter how many efforts you have made, you have not made it to the place you believed you should be -
You look within yourself and list out all the possible excuses that came in between you and your dreams.

Probably, at times - you never wanted those things badly enough. So badly that you could get them.
They were in your life as "OPTIONS" -  Options with conditions like "if" , "but", "And" , "Or"
The position you are in, is the position you always wanted.
You are here because you had a set of conditions, because you had some sequential incidents to occur, where in if one incident did not occur, you kept waiting for it to happen - instead of moving on or taking the next step. And after a long,long wait you ended up to be in the same place as now you were used to your comfort - the comfort zone topped with the icing of laziness.

Random thoughts, the struggle to make each day happening and new - the patience to see - "today is my day" without even having a list of what should be in the day. Small attainable things become a far-away sight because there is no passion to achieve long-term goals - there is no spark, no zeal and you are living like the dead.

That's the time, you need to pick up urself - pick up each piece carefully and remember each moment of life is so very precious - each second can be made beautiful - if you wished, if you dreamt - dreamt passionately without conditions.

How would it feel to override the term - "ENVY" with the term "COURAGE"... Muster up the courage - so that the green color appears in someone else's eyes instead of your's.

Vanilla

Flavourless.Plain.Average.Nothing more in it.

And yet at times - the most sought out taste.

Hopping in the ice-cream parlour, her eyes looked at the multiple flavours they had,and as usual,she wished to hear the "Yes" sound from her heart.

"Mam, try this - looks good and feels good", "Mam,This is just awesome - newly launched just for you."

Her friends around her had ordered all the fancy flavours out there, displaying the expression - "We got the best one, the apperance is so tempting".

She took a lot of time to decide what she wanted. She never wanted to be wrong.She never was attracted to appearances or decorations, because she knew, that would never last for long. 

Not a quick decision-maker, she looked back to her choices made earlier and gave a shrug - "No way, I am gonna taste that again".

Giving a quick glance,at the appearances,imagining the taste of each one - that could satisfy her heart, she choose to pick up the one at the most corner - hidden and untaken by none.

"Vanilla" - She could hear it - "Yes", I want that. And she knew - a silent war would start up between the heart and the brain.

Commanded the heart, the brain rebelled - "I never have vanilla,Its plain - nothing in it.Try something that soothes the eyes atleast."

The heart said out loud - But, still I want it NOW.

The brain gave up. And in 2 minutes, she had the Vanilla in her hand.

Simple and yet the one that she said "Yes" to.

Each portion was taken up carefully to savour the taste endlesslesly and she could feel it move down her throat to her stomach, lighting up her face.

Occasionally, looking at the different flavours that everyone was trying and giving differnt opinions - "Looks good, but the taste is not that good."

Someone, just trying up to cover up their mistakes - "We should atleast take some risk,at some point" .

Another one - " Let me just settle down with an another to override this bad taste"

And hear she was - Silent and Satisfied with what she had chosen. The taste was not special or unique from others.

No,nothing extra-ordinary, yet she was happy.
Happy, that the ice-cream did the job of satisfying her taste buds and happy from the choices she had to make.

It was not a short-cut. It was well-thought of.

Reach out for something simpler, something that is average, something that is just plain and something that just fulfills the desire of the heart and confuses it less.

Reach out to someone who just makes your heart happy and does not intend to complicate things further.
Reach out to someone who is unique in a way, that you would never have complaints.

She smiled once more. The heart did the best job and the brain did its best - by listening to the heart.

Mirage

I asked you to leave. Leave me.

I asked you not to cling to me for long.

There was a silent war going on between the gray cells which forced on to create those ripples in the brain.

Leave my thoughts alone.You disobeyed.

You always do. You do what you like and not what is right,at times.

Wish you always did what you like. But sometimes you listen to the heart, sometimes you listen to the mind.

That whole thing confuses me deeply. Follow one rule. It makes my life simpler, I told you.You disobeyed.

You walk in my thoughts anytime you wish, without knocking. And you tend to stay there for long, sometimes in the back of my mind, sometimes hidden in my soul.

You are there, always there.

No matter the countless people I meet or the countless people I see, You are there on top of the stack of my mind and heart.

When I close my eyes, it's like a flashback.From one moment to an another, those seconds in between make me gasp for you.

Under those million images, I find you black and white standing there.Clueless and Expressionless. 

I walk towards you and you tend to run. Make me long for you as ever before. You make me taste the recipe of happiness and bliss,and now you want to make me want for you ever more.
You want me to run after you, struggle for you, pull on all my strength and crave for you.

Helpless,is the word.Hold on with me, I told you.You disobeyed.You always do.

I wondered what you were. 

In and out, I looked for you and in between the cluster and chaos, I could hear someone whisper your name - "SUCCESS" is your name - They said.

I hear myself saying: You are nothing but a "MIRAGE" and I compel myself to again wish and say : "Leave me, yet hold on".

Un-Love

Probably, we are used to the feeling of people leaving us in the middle of the path  from time to time.
They come un-announced and leave un-announced and between that melodramatic era of the so-called togetherness, you have made sure that they feel they have the best of the world...
You have made sure that they cannot get any more lucky....
and made sure that nothing ever can go wrong with them.
And all of a sudden there is a storm, that disturbs the shore...and whoop..they leave....
There have been milli-seconds when they have been precious to you..they make a space in the most neglected organ of your body - the heart....making it beat for them....and they choose to go heartless.
This is even less pain, the actual pain erupts when you are left with no reasons...U question them in and out and they do not have anything to reply...and then this feeling of being thrown in the trash is even more worse when you do not even know what made you so useless and so un-important in their lives.


After numerous failing attempts of thinking day and night of what really is wrong, you wake up from the fallen decision of yours, to make an effort to perfect yourself...
You keep on struggling to get the best out of you, you keep on walking towards a path with an unknown destination in mind,your thoughts turn to the road of achieving perfection in unknown areas...And you did this even when they were with you, but this time the whole center-point of your life is changed.
Earlier it was them and now its for "URSELF"
.
And they say, we tend to become selfish - No one,I suppose is born selfish - they have been forced to look only towards themselves by the world...They had immense love and happiness within themselves enough to light up the world...and that light was smashed in a way that they built themselves a fear around them, a boundary within themselves to not let anyone in.


In the midst, of the turbulence of emotions within themselves of loving others or loving oneself,they lose the directions and end up with "UN-LOVE" - where you cannot "HATE" them and nor do you have the rights to "LOVE" them.


And yes, this is that time of your life when you want happiness for them beneath the fortifying anger against the world.