"With People"

Someday in this life or in a parallel life, you will have the time for me and hopefully you will make up for all the moments when I did NOT cross your mind. 

Because, you are the "nothing" that is on my mind, when someone asks me what I am over-thinking about. 

I wish you will make up the time that you spent "With People" and not on me. 

Because, I know, If I was in your place, I would have found the time to talk to you, unlike you.

I wish your "Ttyl" becomes "I want to talk with you now." 

Because, you are never my later, and have always been my now.

I wish I get a reply to every single question I have asked.

Because you always get an answer even before you ask.

I wish you shower your love when you can’t, because anyone can do, when they can. 

I have so much to give to you and nothing to receive but I guess, I am too much extra to ask for, for you.

Go find something less, because I deserve a lot more of you.

The sinking situationship

This labyrinth of emotions, the intertwining of waiting for you or giving up on you, landing in a so-called realm of "situationship." 

Where are we? Rather, Where am I for you? 

Just like a ship, climbing great heights and plunging to profound depths, why does my heart soar up and plunge down in disappointment, thinking it needs you in any form? How more painful can this all be? 

A text, a call or just the intent of you wanting me just the way I want you?  

In the whirlwind, when I can calm myself, I realize, I don’t really need you. 

It's a stark fact, a truth I can't deny. I can stand on my own, walk my path, and face the world without your presence. 

But, Only if you knew, that you shouldn’t let me face this alone. 

The sun will still rise, and the world will continue to spin. I don't need you for anything at all, and yet, here's the twist – I find myself needing you all the F****** time.

When you're absent, everything appears to be the same, but it's not. It's a mirage, an illusion of normalcy. 

In the depths of my being, there is a tempest, a storm that rages with waves as high as a tsunami. 

I wish you could see it, feel it, understand the turmoil that simmers within me.

But, like always, its not christmas that my wishes will be granted. It is halloween, so all I will get is ghosting. 

You will ignore everything that I write in plain text for you and walk away sooner or later.  

Will the situationship sink ? Your favourite word for me is no, but the answer is yes for this and like the past, I will never see the sea-shore, let alone feel it. 

Octobers

In everyday chaos of my life, I am reminded on how much power I always give you to break my heart into a million pieces. 

How much power you have, to always make me feel alive and then slowly kill me with time.

And, Congratulations,you out-do your own performance each time, as you compete with yourself on, how you can trample my heart better, each time, winning every single time.

It is October, the trees are changing their colors and I thought, you have an October too.

Unfortunately, I have had only one season of yours. 

De-compartmentalize Me?

Someday you will de-compartmentalize me and ask me how am I doing? And, I will tell you exactly how I am doing without you - Very miserable. 

May be, it is hard for you to believe that my love runs so deep, because such love is rare to find.

May be, you are better at compartmentalizing and locking me away, and I definitely am a loser in that sense.

Your dimpled smile replays everywhere, whether I close my eyes or not. 

That little blush you got, when I accidentally blurted out “Love you”. 

Damn, what are you? Why do you make my heart flutter at small gestures? 

Although, I shouldn’t expect anything from you because yeah, you have mastered the art of not fulfilling them. 

But, someday when you ask me how am I doing ? I will tell you, what a volcano of love I have for you and nowhere to erupt to. 

Someday, I will tell you, I don’t know if I can ever, lock and compartmentalize you again ?

And, someday I will tell you that you invade my thoughts, without my permissions, more than you will ever know. 

And, someday I will tell you that I keep on waiting for you.

And, someday I will tell you, you are the ingredient that fills up the void in me. 

And, that you are the dose of poison that makes me feeling alive. 

And, you are the reason, why I can pen down everything, that I cannot tell you. 

And, in some season, I will wish that someday you will stop compartmentalizing me.