Cold mess 2.0

This is repetition. But, this is also being drunk in you over and over again. This is also being high without the weed. 

What is it about you that makes me go weak in my knees?

What felt like a million years ago is now fresh as pasta made from scratch with a hint of neat vodka and on- the-rocks rum mixed together. 

I am reverbing a slow death with you, so, will you please come and move my ruffled hair from my face and maybe I might not stop you. 

Can you hold me in a way that I cannot go? And, maybe I will give in?

Can you crush me against you so that I can crumble into a million pieces for you? 

Can you stay in me forever to amplify these ripples in me?

OR 

Can you go away again ?

 

“I cannot stop thinking about you” sounds cliché but that is what my apple watch heart notifications say. 

Should we feed the f****** fire 

or douse it off before it explodes? 

I know the answer and it sucks because I am on a path to destroy myself with you, all over again. 

Did I become a cold mess version 2.0 already ?

 

What Women Want - Unlocked

To seek attention from one to many, to want to flirt and not want to flirt, to commit and to be free, to travel and netflix-chill, to wake up early and sleep in late, to go on adventures and remain safe at home, to cook and to be taken to lazy girl brunches, to long showers and unshowered days, to tea in snowy days and wine on warm nights, to dress up in sequins and lounge in pajamas, to curl the hair and don messy-buns, to grocery shopping and instacarts, to cupcakes and green salads, to feel happy and to feel in vain, to dance and to shavasanas, to be enticed upon and remain fiercely loyal, to feel crumbled and put together back again, to red lipsticks and unkissed dry lips, to be a boss lady and to surrender.

To flowers and chocolates, to surprises and shocks, to chess and ludo, to fiction and reality.

To feeling gut butterflies and springs in feet, to constantly worry and think F*** that, to caring and not giving a s***.., to picking up the call and declining it, to always texting first and leaving on unread..to pray and to cuss..to be bold and be scared, to be independent and yet be chauffeured, to be a rebel and to be a dutiful lady, to be a free spirit and to be a butterfly yet cocoon herself. To writing and to being read to, to endless cups of tea and being coffee-less.. to pour wine or being poured to!

To be unread and re-read a million times, to be silent and be chirpy all the time, filled with void and pumped in love, to unknown mood swings and known issues..to footprints in snow and being sun-tanned. 

To drunk nights and sober games, to dance like no tomorrow and wiggle carefreely on the floor..

To not have to decide if dal-makhani is better or punjabi kadhi should be devoured on the buffet. To have both served on the plate without the guilt!

To dampen the fire, douse the flames and to light it up. 

To receive soft, caring, healthy love and be aggressively, passionately loved. 

To be given up too soon and to be pursued forever.

To each on their own, but we eventually find out what we really want.

To having it all.. to women who want to have it all.

                       Embracing the AND and Navigating the OR.