A lil Rain, A lil Sunshine

She hit the sent button. After 30 minutes of up and down through the e-mail, after visualizing the outcomes of her new life, finally she had hit the sent button. 

Her resignation letter - It was not a surprise to anyone that day. 

"Oh, finally! there it comes" - that's what her manager told her. She tried to hide away her eyes, not wanting to show those lil waters deep inside. She had mixed feelings. She used this phrase often. But today, she exactly knew and realized these "Mixed feelings". 

"We are gonna miss you so much" - Said he. She knew it would be a matter of days when they would find a replacement and life at her workplace would be same for them. 

But for her it was an all-together new life. She was 100% sure that her ride to this new world is going to be filled with love, peace and happiness. And yet, there was this deep thing inside her - Her work, her passion, her brains, her skills, her organization, her management, her challenges - it was all gonna be replaced with something else in life. She knew it was for her better life. 

It was one more month where she was supposed to serve her due notice period.And notice periods are worse. But, in her case, she had always believed to make graceful exits. One month - you wouldn't even know and it would be over. She was doing her knowledge-transfer (whoever created that word :\) for that whole month, side-by-side doing her wedding shopping, her state was in a real dual-mode, dilemma persuaded her all those days and there it was - Her last day at work.

She had not even written her farewell letter - cause she knew no one cared to read it.Long time ago, she was the one among those - Never had time to bid farewells. 

"Let me just make it quick" and drafted a short letter - thanking and bidding everyone goodbye. It was a customary thing at the work-place. 

Her heart was heavy, but the usual bold,dynamic figure would never let the tears come out so easily - after all she was leaving for even a better reason - Her wedding, her marriage. 

She went to each one's desk to wave a good-bye and believe it or not - it was never easy to do that.

Three years - 9 or sometimes 10 hours at your work-place. 
Old friends, new friends, break-times, lunch-breaks, meetings, appraisals, promotions,presentations,appreciations - every single thing takes you to a flash-back of golden memories. 

She reached home and there was no-one.Everyone was at a party. She could hear the pangs of her heart.Her most desired passion just came to an end. She would never be able to work at the same place, the same position, the same identity. 

Her heart traveled to the day she had received her promotion.That was the best day of her life. 
She could hear the personalized ring-tone on her cell.

It was him. He knows me so well, he knows exactly when to call - thought she. She picked it up and burst out crying with his first question - Are you ok, baby? 

No she was not. She had given her most prized possession, her work, her career and it was completely her choice to do it. 

There he was miles away from her, known her for only two months and he knew exactly what she was feeling. 

Her heart regained the usual position with his one question - Do you trust me ? 

And she exactly knew what life had it in for her. She was going to be with someone who loved her for what she was.She was going to be someone for the rest of her life who could read her heart and mind. She was going to be with someone who would never let her mood go down. She was going to be with someone who could sing and dance for her. She was going to be someone who appreciated her imperfection. With all her flaws and drawbacks, she had proudly accepted him to be her husband - the guy who was so perfect for her. His voice could turn the world for her.

Two months of talks had changed her to something she knew which never existed in her. She had a new identity of her own. Till yesterday, she was known for the passion of her work and today she is known for the way she loves him deeply. 

Today she is engraved with his flavors of love, his colors of love - that big rainbow in her life that just occurred with a lil rain and a lil sun-shine. 

A "V" after a "U"

Once in a life-time you hear your own heart-beats, you smile for no reason, you think you rule the world, you know a spring is attached to your feet, you re-read, re-read those chats, you hear the audio notes over n over again, you feel silly and you feel at your best. 

When every song you hear reminds togetherness, when all lyrics are written only for "US", when parties seem boring and friends seem distant, time when all you want to talk every single thing that goes in your heart, that time when someone steps up to your heart and guesses your next move, when someone is out there to complete your sentences, in a way, to complete YOU. 

This is the time when the world will stop to look at the radiant glow of Love that shows up on your pretty face.

This is the time when there is peace and yet butterflies in your stomach. This is the time when you constantly look at your phone for a new message. This is the time when everything seems slow to you. This is the time when you hate long distances. This is the time when you want to close your eyes to dream the reality. 

This is the time when you have nothing to talk and everything to feel. This is the time when "sweet nothings" mean "everything" 

This is the time when someone is your strength and weakness at the same time. This is the time when all seasons are termed as LOVE seasons and these which will continue without any reason. 

This is the time you know why you were even born. This is the time when your prayers have his name. This is the time when you walk up to god and bow down to just say thanks :)

And, this is the time when the mischievous smile will never fade from your face. This is the time when you hate time differences. This is the time when you hate to sleep coz he is awake somewhere. This is the time when the only person you can complain even about the "tiniest stone-in-the-shoe" .
This is the time when you like waiting only because its for him. 
And, this is the time when Violins are around you and yes, you can finally hear them.

And this is the time when he says it out " You are not only a Princess, You are MY Princess"

This is the time when you think you have conquered it all and yet surrendered to someone completely. 

This is the time when you quit working on a busy day and write down this. 
              This is the time when a "V" will come only after "U".

 

The Final Application.

A flaming hot, summer night. A tiring day. 

She was fooling time by engrossing herself at her work-place, by dancing her worries off and by hitting the shots of the tennis balls.

Unwanted menaces - those creepy thoughts of the past and future were pumped up with cutting-edge brain patterns. Sometimes she wanted to get hold of those neurons inside her tiny little brain and make them believe that she owned them.

Did it matter - if it just lay there - did it matter if there was nothing she could do about it ? Nights used to grill her from the within. 

Was she at the place she desired to be ? 
This Void feeling, the emptiness A blank future, a Tangled past, Loose ends of the present. WTF!!! Is this me ?

That was the 15th application she was making it tonight. It was already 3 in the morning and she was insomniac since the past six months. 
Her life was stagnant and Miracles seemed Mirages now. 
Faith choose to shook itself from within her.

Images from the past used to be her daily slide-show. 
Life on the thin ice made her shiver to death.
Her hands would reach out to hold on to something, feeling vulnerable - a Point where she would break-up while treading on this estranged lanes.

She clicked on the Upload CV button,choose her resume and hit submit. 

That was her last application. Her Last effort.

The Resume just converted itself into billions of data-bytes trying to make a way in the high-trafficated internet and reach to the Recruiter, that's the way She wanted to transform herself into a free bird and travel across the globe to a never-ending Destination. 
She did not want to stop a destination, rather she wanted some stations in between.

It was the umpteenth time she had seen her cell. The picture of the elephant-god lived on her wallpaper for years. She dared not to change it. It was her strength.
Her power in those days when nothing seemed to be hers. But now, she was losing it too. There were no calls all day. 

It killed her. She felt Useless. She was just like those extra letters "ueue" in the word "Queue". No value, Just an add-on to something.

As she Clicked on the shut-down button, it felt as though one more day of life was shut-down for her. One more ray of hope just ended like the sunset. 
One more disappearing act of bliss.

Midst of the contemplations, her Smart-phone just decided to vibrate itself. "Another Credit-card company, too late for an interview call !!!"

She slid her finger towards the answer button, to hear a voice say 

"Rhea,?" 
"Yes"
"Well, Last night, your resume transferred itself in a trillion data bytes and reached to my professional inbox"
"Oh, pardon me!!"
"And, Our Kundalis do match up, Would you want to take this further ?"

Chaos, Always-in-a-hurry, Miss Dis-heartened had picked up the matrimonial resume instead of her usual professional one.

A Miracle was paving its way towards her. Time again,when she could hear her own heart-beats.

"YES".

Scented beginnings :-)

This post is part of the contest at Indivine - The Perfect Road Trip

He hasn't touched the beauty in the last 12 months.
She's lying covered under a custom stitched canvas,waiting for her once enthusiastic master.
Back then, he had toiled hard to bring her home and now the guilt was apparent.

As he moved his trembling hands over the canvas, trying to pull out and look at his black beauty, he embarked himself on a journey that was about to uncover the million memories that lay tangled there. He never knew why he din't take a landing step towards untangling his life. 

"Let's explore the unexplored, in the world and within us", were his first words when he drove the beauty to the only sunshine of his life. 
It had taken years, he wasn't the guy with the golden spoon. He had left no stone unturned to reach to the top and there it was - He was living the dream, most importantly living the dream with her. 
With that royal machine of his and a royal princess like her, There were no places in and nearby the city where they both had not ventured to. It was a picture perfect life. And a Life that he commanded to.

Everytime it was a tantalizing experience, His one hand on the steering and the other tightly clasped by her - He felt he was driven, and he let her drive him. Her soft touch and most importantly her aura, her smell - It was among those moments which surpassed all exotic moments. 
Everytime she used to smell differently, and the smell was all settled within the black beauty. Her absence still made him feel her presence, her existence within the royal black machine.

He was never alone - There were always the the three of them - He, the machine and her smell.

No scents or perfumes within her caused it. It was just her. And he loved that moment.Loved so much, that he was obsessed about it. 

He never liked the idea of putting air freshners  because he lived that smell. It made him go weak in his knees. 
Everytime he missed her, he would take a ride alone to just be with that smell, just enjoy that lovely moment of imagining her with him.

Allthough they had been together for years, it was afresh. Everytime he saw her walk towards the car, he could imagine the machine turn into fiery red from her original color of matte-black. 

He used to console - "She is my first love, but you are something really beyond forever."

As he finished removing the canvas, he could see - there she was, really something beyond forever still waiting for him.
                                             
                  No complains,No questions and LOYAL forever.

As he tried to make his attempt to settle inside her, he remembered how he used to earlier open his one love to the another one.  
                             
      Its amusing - he thought,"I am riding both of them at the same time". 

As he looked at the front-seat beside him, vivid images cropped up in front of his eyes and try as he might, he failed to stop himself from going into that flashback night.

There they were going for the weekend getaway at lonavala and her cell had rung around 3 AM. 
"Who is it at this time", he had asked - out of worry. And she did not answer. She slid her hand towards the reject option.
and it rang again - This time he could not hold his patience. And grabbed the phone from her, clicking the answer button. 

"Where are you, I have been waiting all this time?" You were supposed to come tonight ? How come you never inform me? How come you make me feel terribly waiting all the time? And don't tell me you could not find an excuse to get rid of that emotional fool...He is just a small baby - you could have told him any damn thing in the universe and he would have believed it. Now, will you..." and she grabbed the cell.

The brake was the only let out where he could have vented out his anger. He hurt the Machine - unknowingly.
He din't speak anything and nor asked her. 
It was all there. She was cheating him and he did not even know since when. 

It was like a volcano and yet he was cursing himself in bits and pieces.Love was blind, it had black sunglasses as well. 
He had just one question - Was his love not enough for her ?

He pulled her out from the car. And he knew pulling her out from there will not erase the memories, will not in any case diminish her smell from his royal machine, it will not separate her from him. 
It will never ever separate the smell from his black beauty and everytime he would ride, he would be enforced to smell her.

He had left her stranded on that street, without asking anything. Without even looking back. 

          That was the last day - when he had touched both of them. 

12 months is huge time. She should have been gone. As he kept his eyes on the front road, thinking whether or not he should go for a date with his machine. His hands still tremble with that smell, Her smell. It was still within it.

Wierd connections - these both had. He had thought - Her smell atleast would have been evaporated by now. But it had not and he sat there thinking how is he going to cope up on this. 
He tried to divert his mind by tuning in the city's favourite radio station and out there he heard the RJ sending out voices on a new air freshner.

Crazy - He thought, but something inside him made him hear that advertisement and it was Ambi Pur Car Aqua Air Freshener. He recalled, the last time he had watched the advertisement was when the guy tries to take her for a ride and she gets uncomfortable. 

                     It was wierd, but I am going to try it. 

He drove to the nearest shopping mall, considered the various options he had got for Ambi Pur  - his mind was now more actively involved on how to remove her smell, which had accumulated over the past 12 months and in his memories over the years.

After trying out the various scents Ambi pur had to offer, he settle for Ambi Pur Set & Refresh Spring & Renewal. 

         

Autumn was over - time for a new spring, Escaping into Freshness.

There it goes - he had now fitted the Ambi pur car aqua air freshner in his black beauty. This was his way of evading her smell from there. He wanted not a single particle of hers to belong to him.

The feeling of freedom. A final freedom from pain, a final freedom from her thoughts and a final freedom from the smell of hers had now made him the for real.

It was time for a perfect ride - not with anybody. Only the three of them - He, the black beauty and his new partner Ambi Pur Car Spring freshner :)

A freshner that was created just for him to eliminate odours which had accumulated over time and providing new scents with freshness - was on his mind. 
The trigger carved itself to the journey of pure fragnanced mist and had the power to remove extra-tough smells - like the smell of your ex-girlfriend who cheated on you. 
              
Remember, If it can remove that, It can remove all the odours from your beloved machines.

No destination, his lovely black majestic beauty on the road and his forever scented new companion - AmbiPur.

        This was actually a new beginning - A Perfect Ride for a lifetime.
                           Escape into Freshness - AmbiPur

Images from google.

Freeze-D

Until recently, She feared everything.Fear to take new steps,Fear to walk away far, Fear to try something new, Fear to travel alone,Fear to apply for new jobs, Fear to attend interviews - because she was used to WIN.

She always wanted to win, no matter what. And most of the times she never tried because she knew she would fail.

She could accept everything except failure.She was happy - Good education,Good family, extremely adorable friends and someone she loved to the core. 

God wanted something else for her. She had to quit her comfort zone and do the things she never did. And there he let the most prized possession of her to leave her behind,he left without a word - She was shattered.

Shattered to the core, broke to an extent that she dint knew if she could get back to life.God still wanted something else for her. She had to pull up herself from everything and start afresh. That was not the end of everything. He was nothing.

Nothing at all. There was much more in life to do than sit and crib for someone who had no value to anything.
 *************************************************************

As she clicked on the "horoscopes" app on Facebook (this provided a guarantee to her,that the mystery of her life would soon get solved) - she could read the lines "You can do anything if you put your mind into it".
What stops her, what pulls her back? What makes her lazy - its more of a paralysis-analysis situation. It takes long to take a new step - fearing you mite be out of the comfort and reach to a place where there is no return.

She knew there are no full-stops once you take a step. You always have a way, if you are ready to step up.

**************************************************************

It was nearing an year when she had decided to give it all up.
But something, something just kept coming to the surface, to her heart, she could not just let it go.

Irrespective of seeing other guys forcefully - her heart was stuck there as though it was more stronger than the "fevicol jod".   She still believed she could make it work. She needed nothing,nothing from him. Just a bit of communication everyday or atleast once a week. Just to make sure he was well, he was happy. Deep down, she knew he wasn't.

She had written this a million times - how she felt for him, how she still feels his warm hug when they met after months, how she could feel those "moments", Even if she din't have him all, she could feel him walking beside her.
She would have simple monologues to herself which she felt were dialogues, she knew no communication is needed, if they were near to each other. But things were different, they were far which made everything stop for her.

Sometimes, it brings the shit out of her..she feels vulnerable,breakable at any moment and yet she has to bring herself together and start walking.

She thinks it happens in movies - let go the person you love and he will come after 5,8,10 years! she wondered would that happen to her.
She cannot connect to anyone else till she has him in her soul.
Her mind told her a zillion times to stop going behind him - who listens.
She doesn't, She doesn't want to. Because its for the heart, she lives.

And it has nothing, but love for him. She stopped judging him long back, stopped hearing to anyone who advised her to look for other guys. She wasn't sure if he thought so much about her just the way her every nerve did. But she really din't care. She never expected any love, any response till the time was right for him. She just wanted him to know, some day - that there is someone really on this world - who loves him un-conditionally-without expectations.

They said - this is not possible. Everyone loves for a reason, for convenience, for making oneself happy. Here she was in love with him without expecting, without reasons, and there was no convenience for her.

Occasionally, she would ping him and there would be no responses. She had to take the guts out of her to make a call. Fearing, he would never pick up.

Terrible moment - when all you want to hear is a voice and nothing else. The feeling of love still becomes more stronger for her and surpasses that feeling of being ignored.

As she lays in her bed, thinking - what must he be thinking. He wants her to move on so she could have a happy life.
She thinks to try harder so that "they" could live a happy life.

Live together, laugh together, crack jokes, pass on those witty comments, cook for him, take care of him and all this with minimal conversation.

Somehow she believed - they don't need to speak. Everything would just happen as though their brains and hearts were linked.

Sometimes she just wishes, to cuddle with him and talk nothing. Nothing at all and still feel that was the happiest conversation they had. She knew there was a connection and this was a testing time.

It frightens her if this is all false. But her heart still tells her to keep holding on to him.No matter what he does, she is still there - hanging on, for nobody, but him.

****************************************************************

In between all the chaos of the mind and its million thoughts in a second - She knows, There is more to LIFE and yet holds on to a place where she started of.
Those eyes had met for a reason and the reason is not known yet - she wants to stand there, till she knows what is the magic with them.

Till then, she will hold her hands only with herself and stay freezed. She doesn't know till what time - but till the time her heart gets knocked again.
                                  Again - only by him.

Volcanic Portrait.

This feeling is back - (it never went in the first place,mite be).

All this time, I was merely controlling the fact, we couldn't be together and even bought a goddamn fast-track bag so that I could "Move-on" :P

But, as I run down my fingers, on to the most prized possesion of my newly bought smart phone, I see your changed DP.

It made me go weak again in my knees, Nothing surpassing to the originality of you, just a casual you sitting there (at some mall) but your eyes as though looking so deeply into someone, (Wish, I could figure out who resides in those eyes), that half-smile letting out to a small dimple on your cheeks, brightly sending sparks of attitude and that kodak moment in itself could mesmerize me, making me want you forever. That innocence, that cuteness, that makes me just think aloud - How can I not want him ever ? Something silly made me put it out as my mobile's wallpaper.
Somewhere, where I could see you smiling.

             

              How could one canvas bring out life in me ?

I run down the memory lane, see those flashbacks of the first time we met to the last time we danced. This is something really like that volcanic feeling again,this is something really pure and this is something I wish to tell you out - I really,really wish, I could be in those eyes, I really wish, I could be a reason for those dimples.

For one last time, I really wish you could accept those three words from me.

       

        For one last time, I really want to be in this volcano forever.

Namesake.

                 Can a co-incidence occur everyday ?

Everyday as I move out of my home or my office - I get to see your name written either on an auto-rickshaw, a car, some food centre, some Hair-dresser, some beauty parlour, some optician, some gas-station,some society and what not.

There are times when the name-written autorickshaw is just so in front of me and its like I am following it up on the same route till my work-place!!!

Before some months, I thought it might be just because the way I keep thinking about you, I end up seeing your name everywhere but now,this has become a habit or might be just magic.

I see your name practically atleast one day written somewhere or the other.

Does it still tell me to wait ? Does it still tell me to hold on for you? Why does it have to revive all the memories in seconds?

Why do I end up seeing those dimples again in front of my eyes. Why now , when I chose to move on ? Why do you keep coming, when infact you never want me ?

                       Why do I keep chanting that name?