A lil More of U

I know,you exist. Sometimes, I believe you exist only for me.
Sometimes, I feel you breathe for me.

I know, you don't tell how much I mean to you. You never did.
You knew, I knew - so you never told.

I know, what you feel, how much you feel, how much you would miss me and I know how silent you can go on to be.

I know,you live in my skin,my soul - so near to me that I can feel your skin underneath me.
I know,as a whole you belong to me.

But,there could be a little more of you in me - there could be sometimes those unexpected messages and calls, there could be some more talks, there could be a little more affection, there could be something special.
That wouldn't hurt - there could be a moment which makes me stand-still. There could be a second where I just melt away in your arms.

I wish you knew,you can never be enough, I need a little more of you everyday.

There could be a little More of you In me.

Just a little more - wouldn't hurt you, would complete my circle of love.

Crime-Partners

And that is what friends are for...You wake them in the middle of the night - randomly talk stuff..gossip about any damn thing in the world..and just be yourself with those cuss words coming in between...those eyes speaking to each other when there is third person around..the way where you can just be yourself - no formalities, no thank you, no please - it's that "You just got to do it - you do not have a choice"...

 

Plans to go shopping,movies,cafes,search a dance class,those walks and in between the gossips of the whole world..some random dreams,thoughts, desires, some more future plans (which may never work out at all)

 

You can share everything but choclates :D

 

Then there are night-outs - some more teasing, some more fun..some more of pulling each other's legs...those moments that keep on accumulating into memories and as you look back and see - the best time of your life would have been with your friends.

There are those trips that you went to which are just so close to your heart not as much as your honeymoon would be :) 

 

That is what friends are for - you forget birthdays and then call up to remind each other - "Damn, today is my birthday - good you forgot about it - else I would have believed - you have changed" - You never in all these years exchange gifts - probably not even on weddings and still you know someone there is always there - standing for you whenever you need.

 

There are no expectations..there are fights, there are arguments which would not even last a day..and then the next second you behave as though nothing happened..You can indeed finish each other's sentences and go to places with each other till the end of the world....You have been together for all the crimes you ever did in your life and there are almost no secrets between.  

 

And so that is what your crime-partners are for-There are no sins with them.

  

         Heavenly feeling - when you can lend that shoulder in need.

Oucchh!!! That Hurts!!!

Complexities of mind, loose wiring of the brain, loopholes in analysis, the "let-it-be" attitude,
"I-don't-care" Lies, Fakeness around,fake within,Ignorance, the power to avoid, the power to control, the temptations, the guilt, the pleasures, the desires, those random thoughts, those blue moods, that bliss, that yes, that no, Upside-down, the "why-me" question, the decision, the no-decision, the cross-roads,beautiful outside - Ugly-in,Charming outside - Devilish Inside, The two sides of the same coin, the optimism, the pessimism, The Questions, the emptiness, blank - void,Love, the demotion of becoming friends from lovers, the break-up, those happy moments, those kodak times, the irritation, the frustation, boring, the same old routine, Jealousy, wierdness, craziness, Likeness, Lovable moments, that panic feeling, sinking down, breaking down, falling, rising above, falling again, Rising, the never-die-attitude, The struggle, the rebellious, the my-way or no-way, the cold war, the heated arguments, the tears, the pain, the Shit-Did-I-Ever-Love-You ? 

The Shit-I-made-a-mistake-again, those flashbacks, that music, the favourite songs, the importance, the updates, the I-am-coming-to-meet-you messages, the I-am-waiting-for-you downstairs, those little little moments, those swinging moods, those tantrums,that unfinished fun-fair, that candle-lights,that flirting,those up-downs, those "I- got-dressed-up-for-u" moments,The cravings for tea, the craft exhibitions, those movies,Those morning messages, those good night wishes.That security, that peace, that happiness, that completeness, that satisfaction, that urge to LIVE, that reason to wake up in the morning,that reason to be beautiful each day, the struggle to love. The ability to understand the SILENCE, the Inability to understand the WORDS, those Eyes that spoke, the Smile that gave a new life, those loud laughters,that childishness, that innocence, that Purity, those unfinished sentences, those poems, those writings, those pictures, those MOMENTS.

                                   

                                That "Being a strength and the weakness at the same time"

                             

                              That Will u stand by me ? That Damn wait for "Will you marry me?" 

Poison

Poison - That element which can bring things to end. Happy things, Sad things.

It just comes up and creeps in your life in such an unnoticed way. By the time you realize it is poison, its too late.

Too late to Undo things - She always wondered - Is there an UNDO button somewhere or a fast forward button ?

A poisonous soul, a poisonous body, a poisonous mind - the worst - a heart dipped in poison - makes things awry in your life. A heart that gave nothing but betrayal, false hopes.

You wait so long for a thing to happen, so desperate with faith keep standing out there - for that moment would come - when eveything would be right - Just right - the way you wanted - making you filled up with bliss and there on the other side - on the background, the behind stage scene - You never knew - You were being effected - by those poisonous elements which would one day make you crumble to the ground that you can never stand back - the way that you would never be able to look into the mirror, in a way that trust would become extinct in your life.

She just wished she never had heard the facts - heard the fact - that he never loved her - that he loved someone else - that he was so cruel, so mean  - that she had stepped down a wrong station and was waiting on a wrong station for long. For years - more than that. As he made his way towards his happiness - his desires, his wishes - him him him all the time - she always thought it was an "US" and it took long to realize that it was HIM all the way.

Once more, she told herself - "It's not his fault, it is yours."
Yours once more - You let the poison inside you - the poison of stubborness, the poison of not letting go, the poison of waiting forever, the poison of not giving anybody else a chance, the POISON of LOVE - Love that was so much pure - which din't melt him - her own poison of trust that killed everything inside her.

Conquered Monster

                      

This post is a big WOW!!! by BlogAdda :)

"Jump, come on - You have a life jacket with you and you just wont be killed" - That was his millionth attempt 

"No, I just can't"  And that was her way of letting fear win.


"Come on gal, no one knows swimming and still they are alive right over there, Its going to be the best feeling in the world"

She stepped ahead one more time and looked down. Trying hard to fight with that evil-monster named "Fear", She did not do it. 

It was just a 20 ft cliff jump with a life jacket on her and she could not do it. 

Reflecting back today - she thinks - It would have been the best feeling ever - The feeling when one conquers this monster Fear in them and achieves something so,so not-achievable for them. 

And One day I will do all the things that I never did. Some I never attempted due to the simple reason of Fear to Fail,Some which din't attract me due to the simple reason of not having an attractive reward attached to it and some which just din't give me that kick in me. 

Loads of dreams and loads of wishes tagged along with a fear - the fear to start something new, the fear to fail, the fear to leave something half-way. 

How many times I have thought myself to push to the Gym ? How many times have I thought myself to start doing the happiest exercise of dancing ? How many times have I thought to start that postponed MBA ? How many times have I thought to implement new processes at my work place to make it better?

It has been countless times when I have decided that I would stay happy and love what I do - It has been countless times when I have really made up my mind to start up something new and as I gear myself up to that new so-called venture of mine I am pushed back with this monster "Fear" in me. 

The best thing in life would be to conquer this monster - FEAR. 

The best thing is life is to live a life that has no boundaries. 

The best thing in life is to have the "Just-Do-it" attitude. 

One Life and we all just live it once - how easy is it to fulfill those small desires ? How easy is it to walk up to the nearby Gym and get yourself attracted to it ? How easy is it to rush to the dance class and hop on with your dancing shoes and have the time of your life ? How easy is it to talk to the senior management to make the processes simpler ? 

What would the worst thing happen - You might quit up gymming in 2 weeks ? You might not just get the steps right ? Your senior management may just not agree with you ?

Sunset never meant that sunrise won't ever happen again - You might just fall in love so much with your gym that you might not want to miss it a day - Dancing would be just next to breathing in your life - Essential for you to live - Your senior management might just be wanting you to speak it out.

The world is a beautiful place to live in with this one prized possession that everyone has - Life. Live it out loud.

There is not just one best thing in the world, I am dead sure there are millions. Even if you can conquer the thousand best things in the world - Your life might just be worth living.

And I tell it to myself again - Loud and clear :

           

Push yourself to fight with that monster Fear and win over it. 

Lose that fear and tell someone how much you loved them.

           Stop thinking of what people thought about you.

     Accept yourself as you are and stand up for what you really really believe.

           Make those small extra efforts for each other - the efforts to show  how much we need people around us - who knows they may not be the next moment with you. 

Forgive and forget the bad instances of life and create space for some real new adventures.

Live a life without any regrets.
Best things in life won't just walk upto you, you will have to fight.
Get up and fight - Fight to live - the way you always wanted, because you just live it once.

Conquer that monster that makes you timid every time you look into the mirror.

Let your reflection speak up for what you really are.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Quest-For-A-Treasure

                This post is a winning entry at badhai.in contest :)                               

                 Love does not need to be showered *Conditions applied*

                           (Please read the terms and conditions before falling in love)

"Aww..Dude, you have had a lot of girl-friends and therefore you know what to gift me all the time :D" 

Her reflexes spoke up as soon as they got indulged into the conversation of buying gifts for each other.

She avoided buying gifts totally. And gifts for him were never pleasant experiences.

It was not that She din't love him, and it was not that She din't want to spend on him - It was just the plain nature of her - thinking about:buying a gift for someone else - It gave her a creepy feeling - just like some sort of a night-mare - just like ordering something for someone in a restaurant - "How the hell do I know what you like to eat?  and so what if we have been going out almost everyday - I still cannot order anything for you and I am programmed that way."

My programming does not allow me to to choose a gift :-(But all her pleads went to deaf ears.

Oh, Come on - all these years she had never bought anything for anyone not even her dearest sister - with whom she had lived for 27 years and now all of a sudden the man of her life came and told her - "We have to and we should buy gifts for each other." 

The mere thought of buying a gift for HIM, "oh my god, HIM "- the most finicky character on earth (God knows, how he choose her :P) , the guy who is so,so picky and She "bechaari"- She who would be happy even if he just sends her a rose(everyday:P)  

Unlike him - he needs perfection, he needs class, he needs brands, he needs longetivity of the gift and he needs every possible adjective in the gift.

She always seemed she was a winner in almost all the things she did - and here came the biggest blow - Fortunately - "They", yes, "They" were completing a real one year of seeing each other - silently, They both were actually laughing about it -(He - the hot and happening dude of the town - spending one whole year with the not-so-happening gal, a silent killer and actually a gal who could be a real pain - u know where :D)

And she, a confused soul on earth - who could not even decide what to wear - had spend an year with a guy who wasn't even real near to what she had expected her man to be :) and yet here they were still together - going to cheer to themselves about the whole year.

Opposites really attract - it seemed so.Hence Proved.

She was happy and so was he. But the little,little fine lines on her forehead made it clear to him. That-"You-cannot-do-it" face was readable.

He knew what her next statement would be and she immediately popped up that statement with her nice,cute,innocent face - "Come on, lets go shopping, you buy for yourself and I will buy what I like - simple and easy. Not a bit of complication except that there will be no surprise elements, ofcourse."

And he totally hated this idea - the lack of surprise element.

Allright, so now all her efforts were going futile of cajoling him to buy gifts for oneself and so she decided - "Come on,gal, its just a gift - what if he doesn't like - that's fine - he wont break up just because he din't like your gift" - the mind arguing inside - "He never liked any of my gifts remember what u gave him last time!!!"

So the big day was on monday and she knew she had the whole saturday and a whole sunday to go out and shop for him. 

Saturday morning - "Ohkay,I would just go to the mall and pick up the best watch out there - In all conditions he is gonna love it"

Saturday afternoon - "Its just too hot - I am not going anywhere in this sun - plus I need to look my best on Monday" :D

Saturday evening - "Oh god,I din't go anywhere no worries I still have tomorrow."

Sunday morning - "Sending him a text - Are gifts really compulsory ?"

And out comes the reply "No baby, that's fine, you don't need to do anything for us,I will do it,as always".

All the words were correct except the last two "As always" - Haha,Actually it was the right sarcastic message for her - because she never could buy anything nor could arrange surprises. The last two words were heart-peircing, as though someone just played dart on her heart.

She started messaging her friends - "What are the best things to buy?" and out came the stupid replies - watches, shirts, ties, even socks,cuff-links and everytime she used to see these messages - she used to think

                               

                                  "Ain't Unique, as he is"

Sunday afternoon - She just left the idea of gifting anything and her mood went sour thinking what would happen tomorrow. 

Sunday evening till sunday Night - she ignored her mind completely.

This time she did not even write him a poem just the way she did it every month on this date.

Guilt,frustation,confusion and a fear of upsetting him - all the thoughts just barged in her at the same time.

She consoled herself and her heart that she would go out on Monday afternoon as they were going to meet in the evening. 

Laziness had surpassed all the limits of whatever love she had for him :D

Monday afternoon, she knew her another weakness - she could never shop alone and she put all her blame on her besty - "Just because you were on leave all this week, I have not been able to buy anything for him." 

Her best friend was all smiles - she knew this had happened earlier too - and she tagged along. 

As they stepped the office building, she found a chocolate shop - she knew he loved chocloates to the core - there she went and found out bars written "Happy anniversary" - nothing interesting these are looking so stupid and they dont even customize it!!!

They left the shop and decided to just reach the mall - 42 degrees - blazing sun and damn this tension of the gift plus the 2- wheeler

                                                

            Ufff...love makes u do everything that u never want to.

First destination - Shop X - best watch they liked - 10K,omg 10K and what the heck if he does not like, next sunglasses - No,I dont know what sort of glasses he has already got - "Hero banke ghumna uski aadat hai" - so he must, he already,actually has a tons of them.

Shirts - Never - after the last experience of what she got him from mumbai!!!

She stood there. helpless as if lost - "I just don't love him enough to gift him something nice ?"

They left and went to Shop Y - same situation !!!

It wasn't she could not shell 10k.She just din't want - for the thought that - whatever he buys for her should be equivalent or more than what she buys for him - Too much Analysis. Her Usual: Paralysis-Analysis Mode.

She stood there. and closed her eyes - She could see him smiling,happy,free from negativities or tensions - and "Eureka!!!!" - she told her friend "let's go" and they hopped - the shop was about 20 mins drive from the mall. She din't reply to the numerous questions her besty was asking her and smiled to herself.

As they entered the shop, after carefully putting their sandals outside, they could sense the positiveness and the smell of the incense sticks!

Her Friend - what the heck are you going to buy from here ?

She told the person - "Uncle, can you show me some Rudraksh Mala!!!"

Her friend was stunned and so was she - Modern, yet traditional was her way.

Let that rudraksh be attached to his neck in such a way, that he can think about her everytime he touched it, that this rudraksh would make him more stable in life, will ward off negativities from him, will show him directions in life and will improve his health as well. She always wanted that nothing, nothing should make him feel sad, nothing should make him feel low and nothing should make him lose that smile. She was here, making her best attempt to create a circle of positive aura around and within him.

Never-the-less, that monday evening was the best - Dressed in red, she walked upto him with her high-heels, crossed her fingers and asked him to bow down - He din't mind and there it went - perfectly right around his neck - A real rudraksh mala with saat-mukhi rudraksh around it.

That was her check-mate. She won his smile forever everytime he felt it around his neck - he knew she was the best :-)

But not everyone have their Eureka moments on the right time and so if you are really a bechara or bechari, having a real trouble figuring out the right gifts for your loved ones,do not want to spoil your sandals from going shop to shop,do not want to use the sunscreen,do not want the pollution outside and still you care for your loved ones, love them to the core then - here is your one-stop solution http://www.badhai.in/ and sing to the tunes of "Badhai ho Badhai" :)

keep Clicking and Gifting - It's nice to light up someone's face with dimples.

*A gift turns into a treasure when the thought behind it gets really counted*


This post is a part of the contest at BlogAdda-The Largest Blogging Community of Indian Bloggers in association with Badhai.in

Moppet's Forever

                        

This post is a big WOW!!! by BlogAdda :)
                                  
"That's too revealing", Said he.

"Oh, Come on - You have gifted me this and you absolutely love me in this every time I have worn it - she retorted back.

"I did - but back then you were my girlfriend - today you are my wife." 

She stood stunned. 

Is this the same guy who had given her the freedom to be what she was ? Who just used to love and appreciate everything about her ?

Did the role of a husband made him so cold that he had started commenting on what she should wear and not wear?

5 years of an affair and blessings from their parents,they were married before an year.

But one whole year had changed a lot of things - She was a girl-friend earlier, today she is a wife. She had moulded herself into the role of wife just like water. Water has no shape - it takes the shape of the container and so is a wife - she has no identity - the wrapper of her husband and in-laws is her identity.

She used to think - Does a role change so many things - changes how a man or the society perceives a relationship ? Do men think in an orthodox manner even in this century? In a fast world - where they can have multiple girl-friends at the same time or step into extra-marital affairs in seconds and quit the love-nest anytime ?

She reached office - 'Yes, she had fought to continue working - because she wasn't among those who spend years to gain this position and quit everything in a second just because they become someone's wife' 

She had overheard a conversation, where the usual guys hangout was happening - "No Yaar, She is just better of as a girl-friend,she is not marriage-material." 

God damn it, What the heck was marriage-material ?

When a guy chooses or falls in for a girl - she needs to be the modern,happening types - the one whom they can flaunt before the so-called gang of theirs , She has to be intelligent and talkative with a blend of a friendly nature and a tinge of attitude and should be cheerful - fun-loving and get engaged to every activity of his.

Drinking is allowed and so is going late nights with him.

But as soon as the word "marriage" steps in - she is supposed to change her own self - the self he had fallen in love with once - her fun-loving attitude changes to a mature Wifey role - the one who "should not" be mixing with everyone else as everyone would think she does not have a character.. the one who should not be a part of all his activities - as now he needs "space" to be with his friends , the one who gives home and in-laws her priority just because she is now a wife. The one who cannot go out on night-outs just because it is not good for the daughter-in-law to move around at nights. 

She is forbidden to have drinks as people would "talk" about her.

Wasn't she earlier a daughter of someone ? Din't that thought come in your mind - that I am sneaking out a girl, who is a someone's daughter - Din't at that time society come into picture? Nope, because at that time FUN was important.At that time, she was a Girl-friend.

  Din't she have an identity earlier ?Din't she have her own image earlier ?

As she was going through the profiles for her brother-in-law, she overheard her mother-in-law speaking - "We want an educated girl, but we do not want her to cross the home fence". 

She flung the profiles aside and a volcano burst inside and she mumbled to herself - "So, why don't you say you need an educated home maid for your son ?"

She could not raise her voice - nor she could share this because today she was a WIFE!

She was right - there are millions of hypocrites out there who would want an educated girl - a girl who had studied till her masters and had given 16 years or more of her life into books just so as to she could stand in the kitchen and cook 50 rotis a day for the family.

Apparently, they wanted a girl - whom they could show-case to the society and say - "Yes, our daughter-in-law is so intelligent - we are proud that she has completed her masters with distinction"  and when the question pops up - "So,beta where do you work now ?"

There is an uncomfortable silence and happily the proud mother-in-law says - "Oh, why do we want her to work - my son is capable to feed the whole family including her..." 

Was she working only because she could earn? What happened to her identity? Was she born only to be known as someone's wife?What happened to her right to have fun?

If I had the power to change something, I would tamper and re-program this attitude of believing girls as puppets  and the belief that there are two types of girls - one who can be a girl-friend ONLY and the other who is a MARRIAGE-MATERIAL.

If I had the power to change something,I would change - that the world - especially the Indian society,should treat girls as human-beings and not some roles or characters or a puppet whose strings are in their hands and who can dress-up girls or women, mould them into new characters as and when they want. 

A part of the world is definitely changing for our own good, Just wishing You  belong to that part.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.