Closet Treasures

She left office at 8. As she stepped out, a cool breeze swept her face. 

She didn't feel like going home.She thought, she would go out for some retail therapy. It was quite long(around 2 weeks:P) that she had not got anything new. 

As she reached the shopping mall, she could see a huge poster of a leading actress wearing sexy office clothes - A black polka dots shirt teamed up with a black pencil skirt and high heels. 

She instantly loved it. She could imagine herself out there on the poster.

She walked into the mall, thinking it would be easy to find one. She spent around 2 hours until it was time to close but could not find anything. She purchased a small pendant and left for the night.Her thought process compelled her to atleast buy something or the other(though un-important) 

It was 6 AM, time to go for a walk. Her schedule was too perfect to include anything else inside. As she put on her active wear, images of the black polka dot flashed right on her face. She was like, is it ? Do I love it so much ? Her mind was stuck. 

She quickly took the steps and went on for her morning walk. As she walked by, she could still think about the same attire. Her mind was definitely not in admiring nature at that hour.

What if she got the exact piece ? Would her best friend be jealous ? Would everyone in the office love it ? Would that be appropriate to wear in a place like Ahmedabad ?

                       Devils in disguise of countless thoughts crowded her.

It was time to get back home and jump-start herself towards her work-place.She thought she did leave office early and try to look in an another mall. 

She reached office and thought to look it up online. She could find everything but nothing that really clicked her mind. 

She tried to work and concentrate. She left early to an another mall. Nothing, at all. She dialled her best friend's number and cut it off. 

                 Why am I becoming such an obsessed creature after a top!!! 

It had been two weeks, that she had been visiting various malls but could not find anything at all.

Sunday morning! She was supposed to meet her friends over lunch. It was her usual nature to dress up perfectly with not a hair out of place.And she knew she did take time to decide and dress up. 

                  Today it was only the polka dots that were dotted on her mind.

She walked towards her closet and wanted to just dress up casually. 

As she looked around, she found too much stuff. She thought, time to clean it up a bit and no more shopping ( Her heart just winked slyly) 

She thought she did just cancel going out and spend time in there. She called up and said no. A lil bit of drama but she knew she did convince her friends. 

She started pulling out her treasures one by one. She remembered how her dad counted her t-shirts while she was in college. She was obsessed. Too much obsessed with clothes. Nothing in the world could excite her than the mere name of shopping. And at one point she did love every piece of thread in her closet.

She looked at all her t-shirts, tops, dresses and what not. As she sat between piles of different fibers and colors, she could see a black and white thing which she had not seen for years. What is that ? 

Ecstatic moment!!! It was a black polka dot shirt which she had taken some years back, not wore it once and put it back in there,completely forgetting about it.

Really, Is this what I was searching for since weeks ? Something that was hidden inside my closet ? Something That long back I did not care for ? 

It din't take time now for her to realize. She realized, it was time to look inside. 

                   Inside her, Inside that hidden closet of hers - Her soul.  

Silent Conversations.

Silence. Peace. Serene. Calm.
Sometimes the mind, the heart needs to stand still and listen to itself. 

When was the last time you heard these words? The last time when you did something that you could hear your own heartbeats ? 

As I sat down to write this, it took time - cause I got lost on why do I write? Do I write so that people would love it ? Do I write so that I could get an extra like ? Do I write cause someone out there is so desperate to read my blog ? And, as there is silence all around - I could hear myself say - I write for myself! The same way, I live for myself! Not cause the world wants to see me or hear me - nevertheless, there are only a few who are really interested in our presence or absence! But, it is you - yourself and that is why you live, you love and you laugh! 

Today there is no topic - it is just the heart that vomits itself on this page - today there is no goal of people liking the post or not, today there is nothing attached to this! And, Here is the first thing we really need to learn - removing ourselves from the attachments! It is definitely an old adage stating free yourself from all attachments and seek the path towards liberation! How I wish if people could atleast free themselves from the worldly material possessions and move on to become a master-piece of peace, bliss and being calm. (And, when I say people, It does include me!) 

I have been making use of my time, making use of this opportunity as I see a new window out to the world - Listening to the chirping of birds, the voice of the trees, feeling the wind, looking at the sun - for once, taking time out and sitting there doing nothing.

Quitting the life race, quitting those repetitive thoughts of fame,success and money. 

This whole perspective of silence has helped me to emerge a new me. A me that never existed, A me that never was. 
The silence has engulfed in me to produce out newer perspectives of life. A whole of ME! someone whom I did not know earlier - something around me that truly explains me what Life should be.

For once, I have gained a perspective to take time out and enjoy the smaller things in life. 
Enjoying that hot cup of tea, with cold winds pushing off your hair, For once enjoying the warmth of love, for once enjoying the touch, for once enjoying doing nothing. 

Life would go on and on, your desires to achieve things would go on and on, the desire to be happy, the desire to feel bliss, the desire to be satisfied in itself leads to a lot of dis-satisfaction around. 

Cause we are slaves of our own desires, leading us to be unhappy constantly.

There needs to be a time when life should stand-still to enjoy the small pleasures of life - you don't need exotic vacations, you need a quiet walk together, holding hands, talking nothing and yet feel bliss. 

Sometimes, if life puts you in a situation, take time to indulge in loving yourself, know yourself, know what goes inside you,know about the different perspectives of life!

There are complaints, there is a lot of cribbing, there are too many expectations, those unfulfilled desires - those desires which make you think, you would be happy if you achieved that. These are the smaller aspects of life - the bigger picture is inside you. 

If you listen to the gushing of winds and thank god that you have sharp ears, that is where life starts for you. If you can watch a bird fly, and thank god that you have eyesight - that is where exactly life starts for you. Cause, these are the bigger blessings of life. These are some of the best things we have achieved. 
More importantly if you had time to watch the bird fly, if you had time to hear the winds, you have achieved it all. 

If you think, you can pen down your thoughts, you have heard your inside self and nothing in the world is greater than hearing your soul. 

Re-living it, pampering it and throwing out ample amount of positivity out there in the world. 

If there is someone, who reads this and feels great, you have done your part in the universe. 
If there is someone, whom you have heard out, you have done your part in the universe. 
If there is someone, you have to guide to a right path, you have done your part. 

Go ahead, be selfish and do your part in the universe with some silent conversations.

Glu-ed :-)

She was decked up like a queen. A queen cause formerly she was a princess - her father's daughter, today she belongs to the king.

"Its going to take so many hours to get off with this attire - Hair-pins, decorations, fully-loaded jewellery, a 30-kg ghaghra and what not".

"Come, let me help you."

Off went the pins on the bed, the jewellery on the table, the ghaghra out there on the floor.

She was relieved. There was too much decoration in her hair. What the hell!! - She thought.

One by one, he removed the glu-ed decorations off the hair and put it up on the bed. 

"No, don't put it there. Its gonna be a real mess". 

Before she realized, they were cuddling.

She screamed out loud - Not what you think - relax. 

"O my god! I think its a pin in my leg." The lights went on.

Her hand was behind his back( any guesses where!!) 

What is that thing at your bum ? She tried to scratch it.

What were they doing in the middle of the night? (What are they actually supposed to do ?)

"O god! something has stuck to your bum - real bad."

"What is it ?"  He tried to look back. The pin in her leg and the "something" at his bum - it was not really fun after a tiresome day of the wedding.

"Let me take it out". As she turned him behind, she rolled into laughter and he was in no mood to attend that. 

"What is it now?"

"Its the glu-ed hair decoration. Your bum just wanted to decorate itself with my shiny hair-decoration. Come here, Let me scratch it off for you."

He went rolling on the floor, clueless. 

Looked around the room, Really - Is this the wedding night ? 

    They were glu-ed in for a life-time of togetherness, spiced up with fun.

Conquering Mirrors

She glanced at him. There was a spark in him, in his innocent smile, in his eyes. 
Did she ever feel this before ? Why does he come up everyday ?

And who is that girl next to him ? Simple, calm and pure - her eyes are dark and deep. 
She walks closer and finds herself. 

What is that? She asks him - He looks at her, his lips move in and speak out "Mirror". 

A mirror ? Why do we need mirrors ? 

He comes closer, holds her hand and comes on her side. She looks over the shoulder towards him. 

Is he for real ?
Did he just hold my hand ? 

He holds the mirror upto their shoulders, so that their faces are reflected in them. 
He whispers - This is what a mirror does. It reflects us. 

Does it really ? She thought. It reflects only our outer-selves,nothing inside us.A mirror never reflects US.
Cause "US" means a really deep meaning. "US" is what is really inside me.Inside you. 

Your outer being is not what you want to see. You look into the mirror to satisfy your inner-self.
And to really satisfy your inner-self you do not need mirrors. 

You need something else - something that gives you peace from the within, something that satisfies your quest of why you really are born ? You need something that will touch your soul in a way that will lead you to supreme bliss.

Rewind - 12 years had passed and she had quit seeing mirrors. Back then, she was no where near being pretty. She did not like being like a skeleton, she hated not having long hair, she hated the obsession of being fair. 

The sheer race of being beautiful killed her. She was good at studies, more of a scholar. Intelligent, but hated to speak in public only because of the fact that people told her she was ugly. 

"Ugly", what has looks really got to do with living a happy,successful life. 

Beauty and Money is a killer combination. With people who have it and can handle it well could really live their lives with success and peace. (Oh, really!)

She had heart-breaks - heart-breaks of all sorts. Not getting that desired dress, not taking part in curricular activities,Not able to speak in public, quit going to school on a "no-uniform" day - cause everywhere there was a race of being beautiful, being rich, of being able to flaunt yourself. 

And those were one of the days, when she had heard a sentence - "you are not up-to my standards, you are not fair, you are ugly, you are nothing" 

That was the day she had stopped seeing mirrors. 

Her life went on to being successful without them. She ignored mirrors as much as everyone ignored some other blatant truths of life. 

She knew there was life beyond beauty. Beyond looking beautiful, beyond compliments. There is life beyond every single obstacle.She had hidden the fear of looking beautiful by ignoring the fact of looking at herself. 
She looked only towards her work, her family, her friends, her writings. That was were she found herself. Within her work and write-ups - she found beauty. 

And after all these years, there was someone standing right beside her showing her the biggest fear of her life. Showing her a reflection of herself, asking her to conquer the fear of not looking beautiful. Her heart ached with these thoughts. 

Conquer this fear instead of ignoring. Cause ignoring will only deepen it inside you. 

          Conquering it will make you stand up proudly, out there.
      Stand up tall, in a way, Climbing to the peak of a rough mountain.

You are beautiful. You are nothing less than anybody on this earth. You can win the world by winning this fear. You can win yourself. Cause winning yourself is more than important, than winning over anybody else.

            You can, even without me, You can do it all alone. 

She took the mirror in her hand, looked at her reflection, smiled and took his hand, forever. 
      
Cause there were two fears supposed to be conquered here - A conquered reflection of her, and a conquered reflection of US.

A lil Rain, A lil Sunshine

She hit the sent button. After 30 minutes of up and down through the e-mail, after visualizing the outcomes of her new life, finally she had hit the sent button. 

Her resignation letter - It was not a surprise to anyone that day. 

"Oh, finally! there it comes" - that's what her manager told her. She tried to hide away her eyes, not wanting to show those lil waters deep inside. She had mixed feelings. She used this phrase often. But today, she exactly knew and realized these "Mixed feelings". 

"We are gonna miss you so much" - Said he. She knew it would be a matter of days when they would find a replacement and life at her workplace would be same for them. 

But for her it was an all-together new life. She was 100% sure that her ride to this new world is going to be filled with love, peace and happiness. And yet, there was this deep thing inside her - Her work, her passion, her brains, her skills, her organization, her management, her challenges - it was all gonna be replaced with something else in life. She knew it was for her better life. 

It was one more month where she was supposed to serve her due notice period.And notice periods are worse. But, in her case, she had always believed to make graceful exits. One month - you wouldn't even know and it would be over. She was doing her knowledge-transfer (whoever created that word :\) for that whole month, side-by-side doing her wedding shopping, her state was in a real dual-mode, dilemma persuaded her all those days and there it was - Her last day at work.

She had not even written her farewell letter - cause she knew no one cared to read it.Long time ago, she was the one among those - Never had time to bid farewells. 

"Let me just make it quick" and drafted a short letter - thanking and bidding everyone goodbye. It was a customary thing at the work-place. 

Her heart was heavy, but the usual bold,dynamic figure would never let the tears come out so easily - after all she was leaving for even a better reason - Her wedding, her marriage. 

She went to each one's desk to wave a good-bye and believe it or not - it was never easy to do that.

Three years - 9 or sometimes 10 hours at your work-place. 
Old friends, new friends, break-times, lunch-breaks, meetings, appraisals, promotions,presentations,appreciations - every single thing takes you to a flash-back of golden memories. 

She reached home and there was no-one.Everyone was at a party. She could hear the pangs of her heart.Her most desired passion just came to an end. She would never be able to work at the same place, the same position, the same identity. 

Her heart traveled to the day she had received her promotion.That was the best day of her life. 
She could hear the personalized ring-tone on her cell.

It was him. He knows me so well, he knows exactly when to call - thought she. She picked it up and burst out crying with his first question - Are you ok, baby? 

No she was not. She had given her most prized possession, her work, her career and it was completely her choice to do it. 

There he was miles away from her, known her for only two months and he knew exactly what she was feeling. 

Her heart regained the usual position with his one question - Do you trust me ? 

And she exactly knew what life had it in for her. She was going to be with someone who loved her for what she was.She was going to be someone for the rest of her life who could read her heart and mind. She was going to be with someone who would never let her mood go down. She was going to be with someone who could sing and dance for her. She was going to be someone who appreciated her imperfection. With all her flaws and drawbacks, she had proudly accepted him to be her husband - the guy who was so perfect for her. His voice could turn the world for her.

Two months of talks had changed her to something she knew which never existed in her. She had a new identity of her own. Till yesterday, she was known for the passion of her work and today she is known for the way she loves him deeply. 

Today she is engraved with his flavors of love, his colors of love - that big rainbow in her life that just occurred with a lil rain and a lil sun-shine. 

A "V" after a "U"

Once in a life-time you hear your own heart-beats, you smile for no reason, you think you rule the world, you know a spring is attached to your feet, you re-read, re-read those chats, you hear the audio notes over n over again, you feel silly and you feel at your best. 

When every song you hear reminds togetherness, when all lyrics are written only for "US", when parties seem boring and friends seem distant, time when all you want to talk every single thing that goes in your heart, that time when someone steps up to your heart and guesses your next move, when someone is out there to complete your sentences, in a way, to complete YOU. 

This is the time when the world will stop to look at the radiant glow of Love that shows up on your pretty face.

This is the time when there is peace and yet butterflies in your stomach. This is the time when you constantly look at your phone for a new message. This is the time when everything seems slow to you. This is the time when you hate long distances. This is the time when you want to close your eyes to dream the reality. 

This is the time when you have nothing to talk and everything to feel. This is the time when "sweet nothings" mean "everything" 

This is the time when someone is your strength and weakness at the same time. This is the time when all seasons are termed as LOVE seasons and these which will continue without any reason. 

This is the time you know why you were even born. This is the time when your prayers have his name. This is the time when you walk up to god and bow down to just say thanks :)

And, this is the time when the mischievous smile will never fade from your face. This is the time when you hate time differences. This is the time when you hate to sleep coz he is awake somewhere. This is the time when the only person you can complain even about the "tiniest stone-in-the-shoe" .
This is the time when you like waiting only because its for him. 
And, this is the time when Violins are around you and yes, you can finally hear them.

And this is the time when he says it out " You are not only a Princess, You are MY Princess"

This is the time when you think you have conquered it all and yet surrendered to someone completely. 

This is the time when you quit working on a busy day and write down this. 
              This is the time when a "V" will come only after "U".

 

The Final Application.

A flaming hot, summer night. A tiring day. 

She was fooling time by engrossing herself at her work-place, by dancing her worries off and by hitting the shots of the tennis balls.

Unwanted menaces - those creepy thoughts of the past and future were pumped up with cutting-edge brain patterns. Sometimes she wanted to get hold of those neurons inside her tiny little brain and make them believe that she owned them.

Did it matter - if it just lay there - did it matter if there was nothing she could do about it ? Nights used to grill her from the within. 

Was she at the place she desired to be ? 
This Void feeling, the emptiness A blank future, a Tangled past, Loose ends of the present. WTF!!! Is this me ?

That was the 15th application she was making it tonight. It was already 3 in the morning and she was insomniac since the past six months. 
Her life was stagnant and Miracles seemed Mirages now. 
Faith choose to shook itself from within her.

Images from the past used to be her daily slide-show. 
Life on the thin ice made her shiver to death.
Her hands would reach out to hold on to something, feeling vulnerable - a Point where she would break-up while treading on this estranged lanes.

She clicked on the Upload CV button,choose her resume and hit submit. 

That was her last application. Her Last effort.

The Resume just converted itself into billions of data-bytes trying to make a way in the high-trafficated internet and reach to the Recruiter, that's the way She wanted to transform herself into a free bird and travel across the globe to a never-ending Destination. 
She did not want to stop a destination, rather she wanted some stations in between.

It was the umpteenth time she had seen her cell. The picture of the elephant-god lived on her wallpaper for years. She dared not to change it. It was her strength.
Her power in those days when nothing seemed to be hers. But now, she was losing it too. There were no calls all day. 

It killed her. She felt Useless. She was just like those extra letters "ueue" in the word "Queue". No value, Just an add-on to something.

As she Clicked on the shut-down button, it felt as though one more day of life was shut-down for her. One more ray of hope just ended like the sunset. 
One more disappearing act of bliss.

Midst of the contemplations, her Smart-phone just decided to vibrate itself. "Another Credit-card company, too late for an interview call !!!"

She slid her finger towards the answer button, to hear a voice say 

"Rhea,?" 
"Yes"
"Well, Last night, your resume transferred itself in a trillion data bytes and reached to my professional inbox"
"Oh, pardon me!!"
"And, Our Kundalis do match up, Would you want to take this further ?"

Chaos, Always-in-a-hurry, Miss Dis-heartened had picked up the matrimonial resume instead of her usual professional one.

A Miracle was paving its way towards her. Time again,when she could hear her own heart-beats.

"YES".