Volcanic Portrait.

This feeling is back - (it never went in the first place,mite be).

All this time, I was merely controlling the fact, we couldn't be together and even bought a goddamn fast-track bag so that I could "Move-on" :P

But, as I run down my fingers, on to the most prized possesion of my newly bought smart phone, I see your changed DP.

It made me go weak again in my knees, Nothing surpassing to the originality of you, just a casual you sitting there (at some mall) but your eyes as though looking so deeply into someone, (Wish, I could figure out who resides in those eyes), that half-smile letting out to a small dimple on your cheeks, brightly sending sparks of attitude and that kodak moment in itself could mesmerize me, making me want you forever. That innocence, that cuteness, that makes me just think aloud - How can I not want him ever ? Something silly made me put it out as my mobile's wallpaper.
Somewhere, where I could see you smiling.

             

              How could one canvas bring out life in me ?

I run down the memory lane, see those flashbacks of the first time we met to the last time we danced. This is something really like that volcanic feeling again,this is something really pure and this is something I wish to tell you out - I really,really wish, I could be in those eyes, I really wish, I could be a reason for those dimples.

For one last time, I really wish you could accept those three words from me.

       

        For one last time, I really want to be in this volcano forever.

Namesake.

                 Can a co-incidence occur everyday ?

Everyday as I move out of my home or my office - I get to see your name written either on an auto-rickshaw, a car, some food centre, some Hair-dresser, some beauty parlour, some optician, some gas-station,some society and what not.

There are times when the name-written autorickshaw is just so in front of me and its like I am following it up on the same route till my work-place!!!

Before some months, I thought it might be just because the way I keep thinking about you, I end up seeing your name everywhere but now,this has become a habit or might be just magic.

I see your name practically atleast one day written somewhere or the other.

Does it still tell me to wait ? Does it still tell me to hold on for you? Why does it have to revive all the memories in seconds?

Why do I end up seeing those dimples again in front of my eyes. Why now , when I chose to move on ? Why do you keep coming, when infact you never want me ?

                       Why do I keep chanting that name?

Dare you :-)

 

                                   Kya aaj meri roti fulegi ?

                                   Kya aaj meri daal galegi ?

Those were his first thoughts every morning when he woke up. He was making consistent efforts to fulfill the roles they had exchanged.

But every day, it used to turn out to be a disaster.

One day it was the pressure cooker going right up to the ceiling,making him clean the whole kitchen and resulting into a "no-food" day and another day it was the dough that had nothing but water in it. He tried to fix it up by adding some more flour to it which even made it more worse. He looked up and decided I wont give up. Does she think only she can handle the kitchen? 

                                   No ways - I can and I will. 

This was his umpteenth attempt to fulfill her desire of learning to cook. He tried to make rotis everyday and he could - but in all shapes except round..

Looking at the roti,he tried to put up a round vessel on it and cut the sides..Wish I was good at craft, thought he.

The other day, he had made the cooker whistle for atleast 10 times and yet uski daal nahi gali..Gosh! He looked at the mobile, took it in his hands,glanced at the last dialled number.

                    Yaar, aaj to Gaadi 4th gear mai daalni hi hai

            Clutch dheere dheere hi chodna hai,ekdum se nahi chodna

            Do do mirrors kyun detey hai yeh log,kaha kaha dekhu mai..

Her ego was much more than giving up on how to drive.

They had an argument the other day - You can never learn to cook just the way I can never learn to drive. And that's when they had taken up the dare to complete each other's weaknesses.

Lost in thoughts, she had banged the car and put up herself in a traffic jam that could last for hours. She stood there helpless and dialled the last number.

         "Don't dare to challenge me, I can never win without You" :D :-) 

Leased.

Terrible feeling - Where I hate you so much that I still have to think about you. I dont want to hate you and I never again want to love you, EVER.

 

I just want you to leave from my thoughts,from my mind and especially my heart. Just walk away like you already did, from every inch of me.

 

Why are you leaving behind your impressions on me ? I dont need them anymore.

 

I need space - I want my heart and mind to be just void. Go away - for god sake just go away!

Because, now, I hate you so much as though I never loved you in the first place.

 

I really dont want you.Go find some other place for you.

                          

                    Your lease is over - release me.

 

The lease did mention **conditions applied** - Which I din't notice.As usual, Blind. 

Rainbow in the gray

"White" she shouted - who gets a white car!!!!

"Black" is so much in!!!

"Well, though black is in, it would get too hot so let us settle down with white."

She looked away from him - "Do what you like" and they hadn't talked about it until the car came in.

Offcourse, White!

In the middle of the traffic, she was standing there, although the signal turned green - as she reflected back to this incident, she realizes how minute those issues were."How stupid of me to fight over that" .

She reminisces that day when she was busy persuading to buy a black car.

In the midst of the impatient honking on the busy cross-roads, she realizes White or Black what did it matter ? 

She had always wanted him to be the rainbow of her life and spread colors all throughout their lives and atleast not get thrown in the GRAY area.

Shining Diamonds

 

"I hate you" would have been even more pleasant to hear than "I am happy without you".

 

Her heart went NUMB -Feelingless,Painless,emotionless.

 

Nothing could touch her - it was a ROCK.And Shining Diamonds were indeed ROCKS! 

The Last Peg

It was the best time ever for the last time.

Yes, She did drink - but there was a reason - It was not for fun or enjoyment.

Everytime she got high with her last peg - she could throw out her emotions on him easily. She could say every nonsense that would make sense later on. She could get the guts to cut her heart and throw it out to him.

 

As she watched, getting her sixth peg, she knew it would be her last one.

She saw how the vodka made its way in the small pieces of ice in the glass..how the litchi flavour would cover up the taste of vodka and make her feel less guilty.

 

"Cheers" she said it to herself and gulped down in one shot.

 

She frantically searched for her phone..as she got up from the ground she could feel the whole world around her going translucent...she looked on the bed..there it was...somehow she thought, her phone was her best companion at night - the only device that could connect him and her in those dark nights...and there she din't have to search his name - it was always in her last dialled numbers - though she would not make a full ring - she managed to call him once a day or at nights so that his name would always remain in the last dialled numbers...

 

There I go..she knew she would call him at the last peg.

 

Ringing ringing ringing - It was against his pride,if at all he picked up the phone immediately.. There was not a single time when he picked up the phone in 2-3 rings. It always used to take longer - sometimes he never picked it up. And she just crossed her fingers that, that sometime should not be this time.

 

"Hello" and she was relieved. He asked her "Drunk" and she mumbled to say "Hmmm".

 

There was silence. The silence in between them had words. They could hear each other even when there were no words.He could hear her breath - faster than usual. He knew she would say something that will pinch him hard - it always did.

 

She had just one sentence to tell - "I still love you, love you so much - I dont care what you did, what happened in your past, how much you tormented me, but nothing is letting this feeling getting killed"

 

There was silence - as usual - he dint speak anything.

 

She had lost her senses - but she knew this was her life's last peg.

 

"I m getting married" - was her last sentence, that was her Last Peg. She had vowed never to drink.

 

The only reason for her vodka was him- and now it was over.

 

She hung up.

 

His fingers did not have the strength to call her back. But his heart had the guts to let her go.