The Last Peg

It was the best time ever for the last time.

Yes, She did drink - but there was a reason - It was not for fun or enjoyment.

Everytime she got high with her last peg - she could throw out her emotions on him easily. She could say every nonsense that would make sense later on. She could get the guts to cut her heart and throw it out to him.

 

As she watched, getting her sixth peg, she knew it would be her last one.

She saw how the vodka made its way in the small pieces of ice in the glass..how the litchi flavour would cover up the taste of vodka and make her feel less guilty.

 

"Cheers" she said it to herself and gulped down in one shot.

 

She frantically searched for her phone..as she got up from the ground she could feel the whole world around her going translucent...she looked on the bed..there it was...somehow she thought, her phone was her best companion at night - the only device that could connect him and her in those dark nights...and there she din't have to search his name - it was always in her last dialled numbers - though she would not make a full ring - she managed to call him once a day or at nights so that his name would always remain in the last dialled numbers...

 

There I go..she knew she would call him at the last peg.

 

Ringing ringing ringing - It was against his pride,if at all he picked up the phone immediately.. There was not a single time when he picked up the phone in 2-3 rings. It always used to take longer - sometimes he never picked it up. And she just crossed her fingers that, that sometime should not be this time.

 

"Hello" and she was relieved. He asked her "Drunk" and she mumbled to say "Hmmm".

 

There was silence. The silence in between them had words. They could hear each other even when there were no words.He could hear her breath - faster than usual. He knew she would say something that will pinch him hard - it always did.

 

She had just one sentence to tell - "I still love you, love you so much - I dont care what you did, what happened in your past, how much you tormented me, but nothing is letting this feeling getting killed"

 

There was silence - as usual - he dint speak anything.

 

She had lost her senses - but she knew this was her life's last peg.

 

"I m getting married" - was her last sentence, that was her Last Peg. She had vowed never to drink.

 

The only reason for her vodka was him- and now it was over.

 

She hung up.

 

His fingers did not have the strength to call her back. But his heart had the guts to let her go.

Possessed

She craved for him...again..She lay still in her bed. It was 1:30 AM..waiting, thinking about him...waiting for his call..waiting for a message.

Deep inside, She knew he was not thinking about her at that moment.

Yet, She wanted him.

She woke up,sat on the bed,for sometime, thinking "Why is it me ? - Why do you keep on tempting me,for you, why is it that I crave like a small baby for you?..Why is it I want to be in your arms and never want to leave you?

She grew restless, because until she did not tell this to him..her mind would be full,nothing works - She keeps on thinking about him, just him,it stops for every single thing in this world.

She needed to tell him, what she thought, how she felt - She had done this like for hundred times over in the year - yet there was nothing that moved him..still she wanted to speak her heart out.

At times, She felt silly - She thought - "Why do I tell you - I feel like a fool."

Sometimes, she felt,he must be laughing on her..She din't care even if he did now.. Sometimes she wondered there might be so many out there wanting to tell him the same things again and again - Her words might not be new to him, but it meant everything to her and once again she wanted to tell him -
                          
                        "How much possesed she was, by him"

She walked out of the room, to the terrace - to feel the breeze, as though he was hugging her, as though she was in his arms, the best feeling in the world - to know that she belonged to him and no one else - that now she had the whole world start and stop with him.

She sat there on the swing,moving it slowly - She din't realize the sun stepped out and she could see the rays in her eyes - as though, it was him - who woke her up with nothing but love.

She felt he was there - there with her all the time.

Possesed again, with thoughts - "Why do I feel you so much for you and why doesn't my love reach to u ? Why doesn't this feeling live in ur soul?

Why don't u feel this ? Why don't I have the same magic just the way you do?

        "Just the way I sway myself into trance and breathe you in me?"

High - Without the smoke n the weed.

You are like a drug, a bit like Vodka with litchi juice..something like those first Raindrops..something even more...

It would be sin, if you thought that your effect would last only for a while because I said you are something even more...

And somehow your effect does not wear off...

The more drug I take..The more stoned I would want to be..

The more I have vodka..the more High I would want to be....

The more I stand in the rain..the more drenched I would want to get..

You are magical..Magic that creates a circle around me..
The circle I can't step out to, the circle that keeps following around me wherever I go.

I get high without the smoke and the weed,you don't even need to be close to hold me near, just the thought brings me shivers..

As I close my eyes, all I feel, is I am too High, too High to come back to senses.

Its that Magic Moment, that temptation, that urge to be with you and no one else, that craving - something that probably you never understood or ignored to realize.

What is it about you, that makes me high - without the smoke and the weed?

A lil More of U

I know,you exist. Sometimes, I believe you exist only for me.
Sometimes, I feel you breathe for me.

I know, you don't tell how much I mean to you. You never did.
You knew, I knew - so you never told.

I know, what you feel, how much you feel, how much you would miss me and I know how silent you can go on to be.

I know,you live in my skin,my soul - so near to me that I can feel your skin underneath me.
I know,as a whole you belong to me.

But,there could be a little more of you in me - there could be sometimes those unexpected messages and calls, there could be some more talks, there could be a little more affection, there could be something special.
That wouldn't hurt - there could be a moment which makes me stand-still. There could be a second where I just melt away in your arms.

I wish you knew,you can never be enough, I need a little more of you everyday.

There could be a little More of you In me.

Just a little more - wouldn't hurt you, would complete my circle of love.

Crime-Partners

And that is what friends are for...You wake them in the middle of the night - randomly talk stuff..gossip about any damn thing in the world..and just be yourself with those cuss words coming in between...those eyes speaking to each other when there is third person around..the way where you can just be yourself - no formalities, no thank you, no please - it's that "You just got to do it - you do not have a choice"...

 

Plans to go shopping,movies,cafes,search a dance class,those walks and in between the gossips of the whole world..some random dreams,thoughts, desires, some more future plans (which may never work out at all)

 

You can share everything but choclates :D

 

Then there are night-outs - some more teasing, some more fun..some more of pulling each other's legs...those moments that keep on accumulating into memories and as you look back and see - the best time of your life would have been with your friends.

There are those trips that you went to which are just so close to your heart not as much as your honeymoon would be :) 

 

That is what friends are for - you forget birthdays and then call up to remind each other - "Damn, today is my birthday - good you forgot about it - else I would have believed - you have changed" - You never in all these years exchange gifts - probably not even on weddings and still you know someone there is always there - standing for you whenever you need.

 

There are no expectations..there are fights, there are arguments which would not even last a day..and then the next second you behave as though nothing happened..You can indeed finish each other's sentences and go to places with each other till the end of the world....You have been together for all the crimes you ever did in your life and there are almost no secrets between.  

 

And so that is what your crime-partners are for-There are no sins with them.

  

         Heavenly feeling - when you can lend that shoulder in need.

Oucchh!!! That Hurts!!!

Complexities of mind, loose wiring of the brain, loopholes in analysis, the "let-it-be" attitude,
"I-don't-care" Lies, Fakeness around,fake within,Ignorance, the power to avoid, the power to control, the temptations, the guilt, the pleasures, the desires, those random thoughts, those blue moods, that bliss, that yes, that no, Upside-down, the "why-me" question, the decision, the no-decision, the cross-roads,beautiful outside - Ugly-in,Charming outside - Devilish Inside, The two sides of the same coin, the optimism, the pessimism, The Questions, the emptiness, blank - void,Love, the demotion of becoming friends from lovers, the break-up, those happy moments, those kodak times, the irritation, the frustation, boring, the same old routine, Jealousy, wierdness, craziness, Likeness, Lovable moments, that panic feeling, sinking down, breaking down, falling, rising above, falling again, Rising, the never-die-attitude, The struggle, the rebellious, the my-way or no-way, the cold war, the heated arguments, the tears, the pain, the Shit-Did-I-Ever-Love-You ? 

The Shit-I-made-a-mistake-again, those flashbacks, that music, the favourite songs, the importance, the updates, the I-am-coming-to-meet-you messages, the I-am-waiting-for-you downstairs, those little little moments, those swinging moods, those tantrums,that unfinished fun-fair, that candle-lights,that flirting,those up-downs, those "I- got-dressed-up-for-u" moments,The cravings for tea, the craft exhibitions, those movies,Those morning messages, those good night wishes.That security, that peace, that happiness, that completeness, that satisfaction, that urge to LIVE, that reason to wake up in the morning,that reason to be beautiful each day, the struggle to love. The ability to understand the SILENCE, the Inability to understand the WORDS, those Eyes that spoke, the Smile that gave a new life, those loud laughters,that childishness, that innocence, that Purity, those unfinished sentences, those poems, those writings, those pictures, those MOMENTS.

                                   

                                That "Being a strength and the weakness at the same time"

                             

                              That Will u stand by me ? That Damn wait for "Will you marry me?" 

Poison

Poison - That element which can bring things to end. Happy things, Sad things.

It just comes up and creeps in your life in such an unnoticed way. By the time you realize it is poison, its too late.

Too late to Undo things - She always wondered - Is there an UNDO button somewhere or a fast forward button ?

A poisonous soul, a poisonous body, a poisonous mind - the worst - a heart dipped in poison - makes things awry in your life. A heart that gave nothing but betrayal, false hopes.

You wait so long for a thing to happen, so desperate with faith keep standing out there - for that moment would come - when eveything would be right - Just right - the way you wanted - making you filled up with bliss and there on the other side - on the background, the behind stage scene - You never knew - You were being effected - by those poisonous elements which would one day make you crumble to the ground that you can never stand back - the way that you would never be able to look into the mirror, in a way that trust would become extinct in your life.

She just wished she never had heard the facts - heard the fact - that he never loved her - that he loved someone else - that he was so cruel, so mean  - that she had stepped down a wrong station and was waiting on a wrong station for long. For years - more than that. As he made his way towards his happiness - his desires, his wishes - him him him all the time - she always thought it was an "US" and it took long to realize that it was HIM all the way.

Once more, she told herself - "It's not his fault, it is yours."
Yours once more - You let the poison inside you - the poison of stubborness, the poison of not letting go, the poison of waiting forever, the poison of not giving anybody else a chance, the POISON of LOVE - Love that was so much pure - which din't melt him - her own poison of trust that killed everything inside her.